AHH he proposed, should I have said yes?

So…you said yes.

Are you second guessing yourself now?

Let me tell you something, ..it’s ok to be scared BUT…I recommend getting to the bottom of your fear BEFORE walking down that aisle or jumping out of that plane.

Take it from someone who knows at least one side of this fearful coin.   If you felt hesitation when you said “Yes!” (but in your head it was like a….uhmmmmmm..yes?)  Then I suggest you sit down with yourself and find out what is going on. Ryan Gosling is NOT going to come rescue you and you might end up listening to him trying to sing Keller Williams in the shower while shaving his hairy back….and then yell at you for the “leg hairs” left behind.

If you have a better chance of being happier with a cardboard cut out of Johnny Depp in your bed and a photo of Pink swinging from the ceiling…..read on.

Here’s my story:

I got engaged by surprise on a trip that my guy thought would be super awesome.

Welll…I supposed if you consider a bargain hotel a great surprise part of your ‘engagement adventure’ then I guess it could have been “awesome.

Even if it was a trip that forces you to go to the local K-Mart to buy new sheets to lie on because you feel like you might puke if you let your skin touch the bed in that Red Roof Inn……AFTER seeing some very interesting human looking excrement on the headboard and the mold in the crack of the bath tub.

I suppose my point here should be that if you were so disgusted by those things because your gaga google eyes were not enthralled and completely occupied with the man (or woman) you were with……it might be time to rethink things.

For me…I wasn’t in the moment at all. I was going through the motions.

“Hey!  You wanna go see the top three highest peaks in three states in 24 hours?”

Me “yah..that sounds cool.  Wait…it’s the middle of winter”

My head: “Oh man…I’d love to see these mountains but it means I’m going to have to drive the whole time because he finds every excuse not to….and I’m going to have to listen to hours and hours of Phish….again. Plus…his nose bothers me.”

STOP RIGHT THERE.

I should have listened to myself.   First of all…who would want to go with someone like that?  Second of all….What was I thinking?

I LOVE the outdoors….but not with him.  It always felt fake with him.  My free hippie soul was lost and still searching for the right mate to not just go outdoors…BUT to also soak it up and bounce around and just really really INHALE the outdoors.

My true soul would love to see the peak of those mountains but not because I drove to the top to an observation deck.  The REAL me would want to climb that freakin’ mountain and then make a ridiculous snow angel at the top JUST BECAUSE.   (But to do that with him…..I can feel the ridicule of his judging eyes now….I suppressed my truly lovely and amazing hippie soul……to be his “normal”)

Poor girl.  What was I thinking?

So there I go….I’m at the top of this observation deck of something amazing.  I didn’t kill my body to get there but it was still pretty cool nonetheless….and then…THE HAMSTER.

The Hamster?

Yes…..it’s not a typo.  A freakin’ automated hamster that sings that song…(duh duhr duhr duh duhr duh duh do do doot dootet dooo)

The idea was to bring it everywhere we went to all the highest peaks of all the places in the nation and with this hamster.  (Oh how cute!  I’m just so happy what a great idea!  It’s the most romantic thing EVER!!!)

Ok…so after the hamster made it’s appearance (it might have been a better story if he brought a friend along with the hamster and we watched them do their little hamster thing……but no.)

Anyways..the hamster showed up, danced and then he was all big smiles and big nosed (not kidding and not that it matters but…there are certain things you have to live with if you say yes…and if the person is mean…you start to see the uglies and they are uglier)

Long story…short?   I said yes…BUT I remember deep within a hesitation that I knew was the universe trying to tell me in every way that it could that there were bigger plans for me.

oh why didn’t I listen?    Because it was meant to be a part of my life story and I was to learn that struggle…and I’m stronger, happier and a much better person now because of it.

I wasn’t meant to go down the aisle and get in that limo with him. BUT I was meant to get out of the abusive relationship I was in (much longer story about him) and go on to become one of the most successful bloggers in my area.

I was meant to show my family that success if possible without a traditional 9 to 5 and I was born (literally BORN) to help others achieve great things in life.

I know this because I am following that hippie soul that I ignored at the beginning of this story.

That girl…that long haired (not a drug hippie at all….unless you count LIFE as a drug) hippie soul and happy to be free and loving the world with enthusiaism……….that girl…she’s here now.

She’s free and she has a beautiful and very love filled home and family and friends.

All the struggle of leaving that engagement.  The pain.  The Deep Depression, The Lost for Months (possibly years).  ALL OF IT WAS WORTH IT…because now she is an amazing human being.

I would never give back the abuse I went through because I wouldn’t be able to help others get through simliar things.

 

So…did you say yes and you are wondering if you should call him (or her) and tell her about the wreck you just got in?   Are you worried that they will ridicule you and maybe even leave you (because how could you be so irresponsible?)?

Please…PLEASE……if you are not uplifted (even during those hard times when you have to call an auto body shop to pick up your mangled car) ….then you need to sit down and think about how much you want to continue to live unsupported and by no means free.

Who are YOU?  Who uplifts you even when you are not the wisest or maybe even a little clumsy?   If the name that comes through is your mother or your friends and NOT your soon to be spouse……Please…stop  booking the venue, the photographer and the limos now.

Book an appointment with a life coach and find out who you are.  Find your freedom.  The universe will thank you for it and  you’ll grow wings and learn what it’s like to fly.

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